Panic

Ugh. I had a bit of a panic attack this afternoon. It came completely out of nowhere. I’ve spent the day playing on the computer, watching some TV and cleaning the house up before the people come later for the closing. Listening to my ipod while I clean keeps me focused on it and I tend to get more done. Well, I missed a phone call from the bank asking to to talk to JB, and when I saw the message on the machine I sent him a text asking him when he’d be able to come home (since he’d told me last night he’d be home early). No answer. Half an hour later I sent another text through with the number they’d left and told him to call.

I went on about my business making the bed and doing more laundry. Every time I passed through the kitchen, I’d glance at the answering machine to see if there was a message or I pushed the button on my phone to see if he’d replied to my texts. Nothing. I tried not to, but I started getting really, really nervous because I had not heard from him at all since he left this morning, and I knew today was one of his travel days. I usually hear SOMEthing from him every day. The fact that I had sent two messages through and he had not answered either of them and it had been almost an hour only made me more worried. I started having all these thoughts that something had happened to him, and I was getting rather shaky. I was in the process of typing another text telling him that I was worried and he needed to call me asap, and before I finished it my phone went off in my hand…it was him saying he’d been in a meeting and couldn’t answer me, but was heading home in a few minutes. I quickly cancelled the message I was typing and just told  him that I’d been worried.

No sooner had I done that I lost it. I was suddenly hot and hyperventilating. I felt like I was going to pass out, so I turned the ceiling fan on and grabbed a bottle of water and started drinking it. Usually I can quickly head off a panic attack if I can cool myself off  and breathe my way through it. I couldn’t do that today. All I could do today was sit there rocking on the couch trying to stop hyperventilating and crying like crazy. It lasted about 20 minutes. I haven’t had one since June, and before that I had one in May that was a doozy.

I feel fine now, just drained.

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