Situation #1: Sunday afternoon, we were getting ready to go to Lowe’s to pick out paint colors for Diva’s room. This is difficult enough with my own kids, because they DO NOT know how to behave in stores. (Yeah, I’m that mom!) As we are about to go, Irritating Neighbor Kid jumps into my Durango. That’s when I find out that JB has said she can go with us.
What I said: “Um, okay, sure.”
What I meant to say: “Heck to the naw! She’s been here ALL freaking day. It’s high past time she went home. I can only handle that annoyingly loud fake laugh for so long! What were you thinking, JB??”
Situation #2: I’m on the phone with my BFF. She has called me in a fit of exasperation…she’d just gotten a phone call about a upcoming military mission for her scatterbrained and clueless husband, which he volunteered for and had told her nothing about…they were wanting to bump up his date by three weeks. He didn’t want to stress her out.
What I said: “OMG, I don’t know what I would have said or done if I’d gotten a call like that! How could he not tell you about it first?”
What I meant to say: “Girl, you need to smack that idiot. He didn’t want to stress you out?? Yeah, because getting an official call from the military about a mission you know nothing about is so much less stressful than your husband actually telling you about himself. Ugh. You just need to move here with me, there’s several houses on my street for sale, I won’t keep S*&t from you.”