What might come from the mouths of babes? Write a humorous piece of fiction where a baby’s first word is a little surprising.
I have written a post about mistakes in the kitchen, but it’s set for Monday…so I decided to tell the Pointy Spoon story today instead. Only it’s not fiction, because I suck at fiction. This is real life, baby.
My adorable, blonde haired, cherub of a son was an early talker. Most things he said we could understand easily. Of course, I was less than thrilled with him when his very first word was ‘Da Da’. Excuse me, son, priorities? I brought you into the world, had my hoo hoo dilly stitched up because you had a 14 inch head, I will never get into my size 5 jeans again, and you don’t say ‘MAMA’ fist? That’s like 5 levels of wrongness.
One evening, at dinner, my scatterbrained self had forgotten to give my son, then almost 2 years old, a fork to eat with. He had his special set of blunt forks with Blues Clues rubber handles. It must have been a work day because I remember all his Blues Clues forks were dirty. So I had to wash one for him really fast. I guess I wasn’t going fast enough for him, and he was starvin’ like Marvin…because then he started hollering.
“I wanna F*&^!”
HELLO! Head whipping around in shock. What did my precious son just say??
“I wanna F*&^!”
Stunned. JB walked in this time and was equally shocked. He, not knowing that the child was actually trying to ask for a fork, immediately thought I’d let a few choice words fly in front of our impressionable son. (I probably had, at some point or other, but that’s neither here nor there.)
“Mama, Daddy, I wanna F*&^!”
This would be where I finally regained my composure, ran across the kitchen with his Blues Clues fork, just to make him stop. This was the first time we’d ever heard him try to say the word fork, and obviously, it had not gone well. We spent some time after that trying to get him to say the word fork, but he just couldn’t get the word right.
JB, still shocked that his dear son had unknowingly uttered his first curse word instead of the name of an eating utensil, said, “Son! POINTY SPOON! This is a POINTY SPOON! Say POINTY SPOOOOOOOON!”
Poor kid. He was almost four years old before he stopped calling forks pointy spoons.